Possible Threat To Real Friendship

                A couple of years past, one of my old friends in Bohol asked me (through a phone call) if I had a Facebook and Friendster accounts. I was quite surprise to hear those peculiar terms. In my ignorance, I asked her back if what did she mean by Facebook and Friendster accounts. And hey, she laughed at me and told me, “YOU’RE NOT IN!”

                Well, that was pathetically funny for me because I tried to pretend but after all, it went out that I was truly ignorant. Anyway, she can’t blame me for I grew up in a place where I was unfortunately depraved of having trending gadgets which are usually available in the cities. I didn’t even have cell phone at that time and it was only when I received my first salary that finally I owned one (the cheapest I believe). After my few months stay in the city, I became familiar of the things that were strange to me before particularly the so-called internet and different social networking sites. Thanks to my new friend who introduced me to cyber world.

                It was then that I immersed myself surfing the internet, chatting, looking for new virtual friends, etc. After I had created my first Facebook account, I immediately spread the message to my high school friends and boastfully informing them that I had added them to my friend’s list. Few months after, I became initially addicted to social networking through internet to the extent of spending my weekends in the computer shop. But opportunely I was able to cure and overcome my seemingly apparent cyber addiction.

                The surge of social networking through websites has given way to a new and accessible means for us to get to know people and have friends. Many people, young and adult alike, have taken advantage of this opportunity. And it is good that many of them regulate their involvement in internet-based connectivity. But sadly, some have taken cyber friendship so seriously that their social lives based on reality are adversely affected.

                This recent Christmas vacation, I had the chance to spend some days with my friends in sight-seeing, swimming and having good times. And of course, when friends get together, it’s not just all about drinking session or what we called happy hour but also it is the moment wherein each one can freely share his/her daily experiences or the “whatabouts” of life. Of all the good things I’ve heard, I could not forget the sharing of Turdy even If I wanted to because I was able to relate and somehow I experienced it too way back yesteryears.

                Turdy, a high school senior student from Taguig City, is engrossed in a mesh confusion with his friends, virtual and actual.

Not the actual social reality

                Turdy was a well-known campus figure in school. He got along well with his classmates, batch mates, schoolmates and teachers. His doing good in his studies since elementary days. People around him felt very comfortable talking with him. He seemed to be everybody’s friend. Well, that was last years.

                This April 2012, Turdy’s parents brought him a new flat screen desk top powered by a core i7 processor as a birthday gift. The present swept his feet off. He was left in awe by the speed and efficiency of his new computer. He considered this gift as a blessing for him. Unknowingly, sometimes what we perceived as “blessings” are actually not blessings at all.

                He started to spend more time using the computer. The usual one hour of use has now turned into 3 to 5 hours. Sometimes after a few minutes of pauses, he is back on the computer. And guess what, he is a hard core user of Facebook and Twitter. Worse is, it did not end here. Since the start of the school year, Turdy has spent less time being with his friends. He is constantly on line with his social websites through his cell phone. Many of his friends and teachers have noticed the sudden change in his behaviour. Although he is actively engage with the same people on line, he is completely the opposite when it comes to actual social realities in and out of the school.

Balance is the key

                3 decades ago friendship was fostered and nurtured through actual or direct interaction. Communication then has to happen on a face-to-face approach. Acquaintances and friends get to know each other personally as they see, meet and interact with each other on an “as is, where is basis.” With the accessibility of computers and internet-service along with the fast-paced development of cyber technology interaction has gotten easier, faster and better. Social networking through the internet has brought about the friendship that is born out of internet contacts.

                Electronic mails (e-mails), chatting via Twitter, Facebook and YM combined with on line videocam are just some of the many means to contact or get to know an old friend. The advancement of computers from the heavy bulky desktops to smaller, thinner and highly mobile laptops and netbooks facilitate the fast-paced development of cyber friendship.

                With the swift forging of relationships through the internet comes the seemingly half-baked cyber friendship.  Such friendship is established far too fast as compared to the one 3 decades ago. Trust and genuine identity can become issues as pictures and false identities are easily uploaded. Cyber friendship has become impersonal and indirect. A person becomes cyber social when he/she no longer has enough real social life, but is relegated to just cyber socials. You need to attend to both worlds, cyber and real.

                Yes, it is not bad to have cyber friends. Even I have many and every time I have a free time, I make sure to spend an hour just to connect with them. I also post wall status in Facebook, tweet some time, send messages and comment on those interesting pictures out there. That’s fine for me as long as I do it regularly and properly. But when cyberspace becomes the sole means by which you get along with friends, this can destroy the balance of a wholesome personality. This can also probably affect real time friendship including that of your own family.

                My friends, what I am trying to suggest here is that you need to maintain the equilibrium. Just like drinking, you need to do it moderately because it can lead you to a dreadful addiction. You need to set a sched for computer use with regulated time. Don’t use it to infinity. Get into regular touch with real as well as cyber friends. Communicate with them equally. There are a lot of ways but be sure not to forget this one: be in constant contact with the only friend who will never walk out of you and leave you hanging, God.