Dear Editor,
This problem has been bothering me
since the start of this school year. Last summer vacation, I had proven to
myself that I really love this woman. We grew up in the same place. Hence, we
deeply knew each other including the negative sides of both. In spite of the
fun we had, the kisses and tight hugs we shared and the very realization I had
with this woman, I still managed to go back in the seminary for I wanted to
continue my formation, believing that it was not the right time to decide.
Now I am in serious dilemma. My
mind is fixated on her. I have these disturbing fantasies and sensual urges
toward her. These past few days, I tried to get myself busy in order to conquer
this strange feeling within me. However, at the end of the day I always found
myself thinking of her. I miss this special someone more than I long for my
family. Sorry for that, but that is true. I want to see, kiss and hug her every
day. Am I becoming mad? Consequently, I somehow lost my focus on my studies and
even my prayer life had been badly affected. I’m afraid things will get worse.
I know it’s normal to experience this kind of emotion but what should I do to
overcome this? I am only 19 years old and I don’t want to be a married man in
my twenty. I would really appreciate your advice on this matter.
Yours truly,
Mr. Inlove
Problem # 1
First of all, I would like to
commend you for your honesty and courage to take the risk of telling your
story. You have mentioned that you are now in crisis and even your prayer is
affected. That is quite upsetting on your part as a seminarian. However, I
believe that what you are experiencing is just normal and perhaps, your
brothers in the community have gone through this love problem. Do not be
worried about your fantasies but rather learn to divert them in doing gainful
works like reading, writing, playing your favourite sport, cleaning, etc. Just
give yourself quality time to think and weigh out things. You said that you
don’t want to be married in your twenty and so, you must decide and follow what
is really in your heart. I presume that this woman too loves you and is hoping
that someday you’ll be together. Do you have any commitment to her? If so, then
be a man! Remember also that when you entered in the seminary you had promised
something to the Lord and you should consider that one in making your decision.
Always be faithful to your words. Moreover, it is helpful to your part to seek
advice from your formators. I believe they can help you regarding this matter.
Pray and ask God for enlightenment.
Dear Editor,
In this letter I want to be free,
honest and straightforward which I seldom did in my life. I am a kind of timid
person. I typically do not have the enough confidence and courage to communicate
and express myself, my ideas and my feelings. This correspondence is made possible
for I think I need someone who can help me in this particular problem of mine.
Ever since I have been dreaming
of overcoming this pessimistic attitude which frequently caused me to waste and
lose most of the chances I had in my life. I wish I have that self-confidence
that most of my friends have. But every time I’m about to raise my hand to
answer questions in the class, which I really know, I usually buffer and stutter.
I sometimes ate the words I uttered which made me looked ridiculous. Most of
the times, I am overwhelmed by my uneasiness. Perhaps, it is because of my too
much expectation and excitement. What a shame!
I easily get discouraged. I have
this fear of being humiliated which makes me prefers to be silent and passive.
Although I have the willingness to change myself for the better but the problem
is I do not know when to start. I always end up dissatisfied and disappointed in
my performances, knowing that I am better than some of my classmates. I
oftentimes fail to give my best in most of my undertakings. Can you advise me
some helpful and workable tips on how to free myself from the bondage of
negativism? I’m so sick of this!
Yours truly,
Mr. Nega
Problem # 2
Let me clarify first that I am neither
a psychologist nor a counsellor to give you a professional advice to your
personality-related problem. In fact, I was tempted to suggest you to just grab
the mouse and google the ways on how to gain self-confidence. The internet
contains a lot of information, however not all of the available sources are
reliable. But since you made a decision to write and ask for my friendly
advice, then it is my moral responsibility to do so as you wished. Your problem
is about your lack of self-confidence and being cynical at times. Now allow me
to use an existential approach, meaning based only on my own experience. Candidly
speaking, I was once like you, afraid to speak up, to express myself and
confused sometimes. It was not easy for me to liberate myself from being introvert.
Until such time that I learned to accept my limitations and face the reality
that I cannot be perfect. Possibly, you are just conscious of what people might
think about you. If you can conquer your fear of being embarrassed due to
mistakes, only then will you be able to freely communicate yourself. Consider
every mistake or shortcoming as a good opportunity to learn new lesson in life.
Avoid comparing yourself to others because that will only frustrate you.
Remember that every person is unique. Thus, you have to celebrate your
individuality. You must try before you quit and bear in mind that you have something in you which others do not have. So
cheer up! Speak your mind!
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