Making a Choice

When given a chance to write a column for the first issue of ‘The Alexian’, I really had the hard time to decide what I should write. To tell you honestly, when I am writing this article I don’t even know where I am heading. Varied topics suddenly popped up into my mind perhaps because of the unusual excitement I felt that finally I will be able to express my thoughts, beliefs, opinions, etc. through this newfound freedom. For me, this opportunity is somehow rare that I should grab it with sincerity and prudence. While sitting in a wooden chair, facing blank sheet of papers scattered in a poorly-varnished desk in our room and trying to recollect some memorable events from my memory, I encountered another dilemma. This problem lies in the teleology of my “to-be-published” column. Should it be informative? Entertaining? Educating? Or whatsoever?

Truly, writing is not an easy task. I spent almost two hours ‘thinking of nothing’ until I found myself sleepy. So, I went to bed for it was already eleven in the late evening. However, when I was lying and starting to close my eyes, my memory abruptly gave me a flash back of one of those unforgettable events happened in my life as a student-seminarian. I remember Bro. Ries Paul Lansin who has been a good friend, a concerned and humorous brother and responsible classmate of ours. Last July 23, it was Monday (‘mournday’ for his batch mates, I believed), Bro. Paul bade farewell to us. He was smiling and cracking some of his familiar jokes while savoring his last minutes with us in the seminary. He tried to show that he is strong and very sure of his unexpected decision of leaving the seminary after two years of stay. Even though he managed to hide his true feelings, I could still sense the sadness and a bit of regretful gestures with his near-teary eyes.

At first, I was not convinced when I learned the rumor that Bro. Paul had already informed the master about his decision. It was because I thought our batch is solid. Further, I was hopeful that we will accomplish together this four year pre-novitiate stage and still complete at the day when we will each receive our diploma as graduates of Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy. I never believed my hunches for I did not expect him to give up his vocation (believing that we all have vocation to become a religious brother or priest). He seemed to be the strongest and most flexible among us. Yes, we, as formandee, all have experienced crisis in our studies and in the other aspects of seminary life. Probably, I would say that we are still adjusting up to this time. But Bro. Paul, for me, was not that type of quitter. Until one day during our fraternal lunch, our master intentionally announced to us that he had willfully discerned to continue his journey of seeking his happiness outside the seminary. The news definitely shocked me! It was then that I was persuaded to accept that what I heard was true. I can’t help but only to speculate of Bro. Paul’s reasons of making such big and serious decision. Possibly, he’s not happy anymore with his life as a seminarian and wanted to be true to himself. Of course, we have to respect his decision and wish him all the best.

Consequently, I came to realize that probably I will also experience in the future what Bro. Paul had gone through. And if that will happen, by my free will, hopefully, I would be as strong as Bro. Paul had shown in humbly accepting the reality that not all of us are chosen. I firmly believe that my life does not end here in the seminary. There are a lot of possibilities. Indeed, life is full of uncertainties. It is precisely true that only death is certain in this uncertain world. After all, what matters most is our choice and how we faithfully respond to the challenges and changes that we meet along the way. What happen to Bro. Paul now? Is he really happy of his choice? Doesn’t he regret his decision of setting himself free from seminary rules? How I wish I could have another chance of talking to him personally for me to verify my unguarded opinions.

By this time, I do hope that he will not be a victim of prejudices and rejection by the people who knew him which former seminarians have usually experienced. People might judge him of leaving the seminary because of having a girlfriend and other nonsense notions. That would be a terrible night mare for an unfortunate ex-seminarian! How I wanted to educate those narrow-minded critics. They don’t even understand the kind of life that a seminarian has. They are not taking his means in order to reach his end. Some of them are close-minded to the mentality that once a person enters in the seminary, he should be eventually ordained as a priest someday. What a distorted and unreasonable thought. They are not in their shoes and so, who are they to judge them? Instead of castigating them with discouraging comments, they should be happy for that seminarian who has successfully found himself inside the seminary.

In fact, ‘self-discovery’ is the foremost goal of Major Seminary. What does it mean? Even if you are inside the seminary taking AB-Philosophy, you can never ascertain that you’ll be ordained as priest after your graduation. It is not here in the College Seminary. It is there in the next department after Philosophy, that is Theology. Moreover, ‘self-discovery’ is the process of discerning of whether you are undoubtedly called into priestly vocation or the other kinds of calling- single-blessedness and married life. However, the structure of the seminary has a slant for the priesthood. This is where the formation programs are centered. Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean that you are a big failure and worthless being if you finished Philosophy and after it, you decided not to continue to Theology. If you discover in yourself during your stay in the seminary that you are not fitted into this kind of life, that would be great! The College Seminary succeeds in its main objective. What is important is you let yourself to be formed to holiness, service, wisdom and Christ’s love.

I recall a particular priest who mentioned in his homily that “seminary life is joyful.” Initially, I agreed with his statement with all my faith. Though, we can ask, if seminary life is joyful, then why not all seminarians become priests? Here is my explanation. Seminary life is joyful but everything has its own happiness. Getting married and establishing a family is also joyful. Similarly, it is joyful to have a gorgeous and lovely girlfriend whom you can brag to your friends and you will love until she looks like dinosaur and ‘magsawa ka na!’(LOLs…). Life can be happy if we choose to be happy. That’s it, no more, no less.

Let me end this article with these lines: “Different lives, different happiness. How pleasant to live in this beautiful world. However, it can be more pleasurable when we are living with a happy life.” PADAYUN!