Good day!
Thank you so much for visiting again my blog site. I would be glad if you will leave some comments and share also your thoughts with me!
I am hoping that you are fine today and confident to face the challenges in life. In this post, I would like to share a part of my high school memories. I wrote this article couple of months ago for our subject course Creative Writing.
Before reading my story, I now thank you for making me a part of your busy life! I am so grateful to you friend for having an interest ( at least, i presume) and spending a bit of your valuable time to read this literary piece.
HEART-TO-HURT CONFESSION
In the fifteenth summer of my life I fell in love for the first time. Naturally, I had no idea what was I getting into. Youth, for all its freshness and vigor, does not have the wisdom of the past experience. And so, it was that I was very ill-equipped when Cupid's arrows first struck me. I still had a fairy-tale notions of love. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy, boy and girl pledge undying love for each other and they live happily ever after. I only had to find my Cinderella, and everything would be smooth sailing. I was young and invincible. No sadness would touch me especially in the arena of romance.
Being fortunate enough, I was privileged to represent our school in a leadership training and seminar sponsored by the good government officials in our province. I'm not that kind of Mr. Opportunist but it has been my motto, since then, to grab any kind of opportunity that would knock at my door as long as I would learn or get something beneficial from it. As usual, my aims of participating to any form of educational activities whether they are competitions or just some sort of seminars are to enrich my knowledge, to build up my confidence, to get enough exposure and most significantly, which I naively thought of my teen age, to create name for myself even just in our campus. I was told that there's nothing wrong with those aspirations. In fact, a student should have that kind of mindset not only for his own benefits but also for the welfare of the institution where he/she belongs. Believe it or not, it wasn't in my mind to look for gorgeous girls in my age while having the chance of meeting new people of different inclinations. To say that I was not attracted to my opposite sex back then is precisely an understatement. All of the sudden, it was totally unexpected that my greatest love story (I think..hehehe) came to happen and to be chronicled in one of the episodes of my life history as 'sexual being' which philosophers termed in trying to justify our unique feelings towards one another.
When I look back at the days when I was all giddy with the first discovery of love, I find that grass was greener, the air was fresher and even the oppressive sun was kinder, not sending its rays to punish my back on sweltering afternoons, like it does now, but bathing me in its radiance so that I had the morning sunshine in my smile. It was actually 'love at first sight' (perhaps I wrongly equate liking to loving but it doesn't matter anyway).
[Ladies and gentlemen] her first name is Shane. For me, she really got a nice name which I crazily wanted to pronounce it sensually again and again till my tongue grew weary. She came from a well-known private school because of its untainted reputation and quality students. She's so brilliant and it seemed that she had already prepared intelligent answers for all the questions being addressed to her. She got several academic achievements and was able to compete and bag prizes for provincial and regional contests. She's so incredible. Awesome! Nonetheless, it was not her brain or popularity that I deeply admired of. Yes, she got good looks. She appeared like the Blessed Virgin Mary to me with her innocent, so friendly and angelic face. Perhaps, I would not be exhausted of adjectives to describe her but to make it short, I will summarize all her descriptions in just one sentence and that is: "She seems to be the perfect lady that anyone dreams of." That sounds being exaggerated or I am bragging but as far as my memory is concerned, what I am writing has an empirical ground.
That week-long seminar gave us the chance to know each other. From public to private matters, everything was just like an open book. I didn't mean to be honest with her in sharing my life but every time I conversed with her I could not have the courage to lie just to elevate myself and somehow impress her. Those saintly eyes had victoriously conquered my pride. To be exact, we were all thirty five participants in that leadership seminar. After a day of orientation of what to do and giving short introduction of the speakers, facilitators, etc., we were divided into five groups consisting seven members (how's my mathematical skill?) each team. I was so lucky and grateful to God for granting my immediate wish of allowing Shane and I to belong in the same group. God absolutely grants our wishes even how foolish and nonsense they are but sometimes, He does it in different ways- that was my realization at that time.
Meanwhile, like what we generally expect in love stories, rivals get in the way. If I am not mistaken, we were four pathetic young lovers who were poisoned by Shane's unusual charm and beauty. How miserable I was of being physically inferior to my 'opponents'. Ever time she talked to them, I was eventually getting jealous and if I saw those guys taking advantage of touching her hands, hair and elbows, I really wanted to metamorphose into The Incredible Hulk and kill them. At first, I was confused of my feelings for they were strange to me. "Why am I feeling all these weird things?" I began to ask myself. But after all, I was able to formulate an indecisive conclusion in my mind that I fell in love with her.
Even to this day, when I have successfully convinced myself and unsuccessfully persuaded my friends that I had fallen in love with Shane, I cannot help but cast one glance in her direction during that time she bade goodbye and started to walk away to an existence entirely separate from my own ( I mean the last minute of our togetherness). I kept my eyes on her until the last hair on her head was out of my sight, trying to preserve every detail of her appearance in my memory until the time I will see her again.
What happened to my feelings? Was everything in vain? NO, it wasn't. Even if I failed to muster some guts to confess to her how I loved her so much, still it can't be considered my greatest failure as far as my reasoning is concerned. It was not an act of cowardice or being 'torpe' (one of those Filipino cultural words and its English equivalent is timid; however, it does not fully capture its real meaning). Yes, I admit that I was afraid and undecided at that time but hey, it was not my fault. I would rather blame you for reading this (just kidding!). Well, let's take it in this way: "It was not destined to happen." That would sound fair and make sense.
I remember how she used to smile at me when we struggled to accomplish the series of activities. Reflexively I'd smiled back, grinning like silly, my subtle and cute dimple (not obvious...never mind!) stretched up to my right ear and my face dangerously close to splitting. Whenever she would give that dazzling smile of her and everything would stop just like that. It was as if the world ceased to exist; it was only me and her. When we had our group discussion, I was very submissive to her to the extent that I became a yes-man. Sometimes, I found myself speechless (nga-nga). When they said money can't buy happiness, they must have meant the happiness that comes from first love. She gave me the greatest happiness as well as the greatest sadness of my youth. Those times when she made me felt most lucky will always be like 'commemorative gold coins in mint condition in my mind.' She badly got me and I believe I got her too (in my dreams...LOLs!). When you hear your heart beats in unison with another even for the most fleeting moment, that's one moment you will never forget.
Call it stupidity, call it insanity, call it obsession, call it infatuation, call it whatever you want. It was love, sweet bittersweet love. With love, as with faith, if you believe that's justification enough, no explanation is necessary. If you do not, no explanation is possible. When you are blessed enough to love, it will change you in so many ways you can never be the same again! Let me quote this one for you: "Love means different things to different people, different things at different times. Like everything, it changes. It waxes and wanes like the moon."
Those seven days of being together ended as quickly as how swift I had fallen in love with her. We went back to our every home dissatisfied, for sure, and each had a bit of loneliness. I didn't have cell phone at that time (my means of communication was so poor as poor as I was). Although, I still managed to write some love letters and make use of my literary gift to sugar coat my feelings for her. Back then, I was so inspired just like what I felt while writing this article. In my enthusiasm and desperation, I mailed her many times and maybe she was literally flooded with letters if she received all those I'd sent. But what the heck, I did not receive even just one reply from her. I was thinking that the address she gave to me was wrong or invalid. But why should she do that? If my suspicion was correct, then, why my letters hadn't returned to me? Because of that I felt being rejected, insulted and, more or less, treated unjustly. In my aggressiveness, I wanted to travel through several kilometers riding an old-lousy bus going to her school and protest her face to face! Nevertheless, I was not that idiot to do that. Of course, I already regained my pride that I once ignored for the sake of my 'to-the-max attraction' for her. To calm myself down, I just thought that perhaps she either didn't like to entertain love letters or she was too shy to acknowledge that she felt the same for me (don't react...that's what we call confidence..hahaha).
In spite of everything, I am a better person and I will forever be indebted to her for teaching me how it is to feel being in love. Never mind that her teaching was done mostly in absentia. I madly, deeply and truly loved her! I hope not to dishonor that love by engaging in cheap flings with whoever catches my fancy at the moment (yeah you're right! I have to consider my present status quo). Consequently, I have learned that love bears all- probably not always with a smile that's big enough for all the world to see, but just one that's brave enough to tell her that is it OK, you'll live so she doesn't have to feel bad. Lastly, I have also learned to swallow my loneliness like a bitter pill, hoping that my good behavior will make fate smile at me and saying, "Here is the one for you. Live happily ever after, your name was written on her heart."
Being fortunate enough, I was privileged to represent our school in a leadership training and seminar sponsored by the good government officials in our province. I'm not that kind of Mr. Opportunist but it has been my motto, since then, to grab any kind of opportunity that would knock at my door as long as I would learn or get something beneficial from it. As usual, my aims of participating to any form of educational activities whether they are competitions or just some sort of seminars are to enrich my knowledge, to build up my confidence, to get enough exposure and most significantly, which I naively thought of my teen age, to create name for myself even just in our campus. I was told that there's nothing wrong with those aspirations. In fact, a student should have that kind of mindset not only for his own benefits but also for the welfare of the institution where he/she belongs. Believe it or not, it wasn't in my mind to look for gorgeous girls in my age while having the chance of meeting new people of different inclinations. To say that I was not attracted to my opposite sex back then is precisely an understatement. All of the sudden, it was totally unexpected that my greatest love story (I think..hehehe) came to happen and to be chronicled in one of the episodes of my life history as 'sexual being' which philosophers termed in trying to justify our unique feelings towards one another.
When I look back at the days when I was all giddy with the first discovery of love, I find that grass was greener, the air was fresher and even the oppressive sun was kinder, not sending its rays to punish my back on sweltering afternoons, like it does now, but bathing me in its radiance so that I had the morning sunshine in my smile. It was actually 'love at first sight' (perhaps I wrongly equate liking to loving but it doesn't matter anyway).
[Ladies and gentlemen] her first name is Shane. For me, she really got a nice name which I crazily wanted to pronounce it sensually again and again till my tongue grew weary. She came from a well-known private school because of its untainted reputation and quality students. She's so brilliant and it seemed that she had already prepared intelligent answers for all the questions being addressed to her. She got several academic achievements and was able to compete and bag prizes for provincial and regional contests. She's so incredible. Awesome! Nonetheless, it was not her brain or popularity that I deeply admired of. Yes, she got good looks. She appeared like the Blessed Virgin Mary to me with her innocent, so friendly and angelic face. Perhaps, I would not be exhausted of adjectives to describe her but to make it short, I will summarize all her descriptions in just one sentence and that is: "She seems to be the perfect lady that anyone dreams of." That sounds being exaggerated or I am bragging but as far as my memory is concerned, what I am writing has an empirical ground.
That week-long seminar gave us the chance to know each other. From public to private matters, everything was just like an open book. I didn't mean to be honest with her in sharing my life but every time I conversed with her I could not have the courage to lie just to elevate myself and somehow impress her. Those saintly eyes had victoriously conquered my pride. To be exact, we were all thirty five participants in that leadership seminar. After a day of orientation of what to do and giving short introduction of the speakers, facilitators, etc., we were divided into five groups consisting seven members (how's my mathematical skill?) each team. I was so lucky and grateful to God for granting my immediate wish of allowing Shane and I to belong in the same group. God absolutely grants our wishes even how foolish and nonsense they are but sometimes, He does it in different ways- that was my realization at that time.
Meanwhile, like what we generally expect in love stories, rivals get in the way. If I am not mistaken, we were four pathetic young lovers who were poisoned by Shane's unusual charm and beauty. How miserable I was of being physically inferior to my 'opponents'. Ever time she talked to them, I was eventually getting jealous and if I saw those guys taking advantage of touching her hands, hair and elbows, I really wanted to metamorphose into The Incredible Hulk and kill them. At first, I was confused of my feelings for they were strange to me. "Why am I feeling all these weird things?" I began to ask myself. But after all, I was able to formulate an indecisive conclusion in my mind that I fell in love with her.
Even to this day, when I have successfully convinced myself and unsuccessfully persuaded my friends that I had fallen in love with Shane, I cannot help but cast one glance in her direction during that time she bade goodbye and started to walk away to an existence entirely separate from my own ( I mean the last minute of our togetherness). I kept my eyes on her until the last hair on her head was out of my sight, trying to preserve every detail of her appearance in my memory until the time I will see her again.
What happened to my feelings? Was everything in vain? NO, it wasn't. Even if I failed to muster some guts to confess to her how I loved her so much, still it can't be considered my greatest failure as far as my reasoning is concerned. It was not an act of cowardice or being 'torpe' (one of those Filipino cultural words and its English equivalent is timid; however, it does not fully capture its real meaning). Yes, I admit that I was afraid and undecided at that time but hey, it was not my fault. I would rather blame you for reading this (just kidding!). Well, let's take it in this way: "It was not destined to happen." That would sound fair and make sense.
I remember how she used to smile at me when we struggled to accomplish the series of activities. Reflexively I'd smiled back, grinning like silly, my subtle and cute dimple (not obvious...never mind!) stretched up to my right ear and my face dangerously close to splitting. Whenever she would give that dazzling smile of her and everything would stop just like that. It was as if the world ceased to exist; it was only me and her. When we had our group discussion, I was very submissive to her to the extent that I became a yes-man. Sometimes, I found myself speechless (nga-nga). When they said money can't buy happiness, they must have meant the happiness that comes from first love. She gave me the greatest happiness as well as the greatest sadness of my youth. Those times when she made me felt most lucky will always be like 'commemorative gold coins in mint condition in my mind.' She badly got me and I believe I got her too (in my dreams...LOLs!). When you hear your heart beats in unison with another even for the most fleeting moment, that's one moment you will never forget.
Call it stupidity, call it insanity, call it obsession, call it infatuation, call it whatever you want. It was love, sweet bittersweet love. With love, as with faith, if you believe that's justification enough, no explanation is necessary. If you do not, no explanation is possible. When you are blessed enough to love, it will change you in so many ways you can never be the same again! Let me quote this one for you: "Love means different things to different people, different things at different times. Like everything, it changes. It waxes and wanes like the moon."
Those seven days of being together ended as quickly as how swift I had fallen in love with her. We went back to our every home dissatisfied, for sure, and each had a bit of loneliness. I didn't have cell phone at that time (my means of communication was so poor as poor as I was). Although, I still managed to write some love letters and make use of my literary gift to sugar coat my feelings for her. Back then, I was so inspired just like what I felt while writing this article. In my enthusiasm and desperation, I mailed her many times and maybe she was literally flooded with letters if she received all those I'd sent. But what the heck, I did not receive even just one reply from her. I was thinking that the address she gave to me was wrong or invalid. But why should she do that? If my suspicion was correct, then, why my letters hadn't returned to me? Because of that I felt being rejected, insulted and, more or less, treated unjustly. In my aggressiveness, I wanted to travel through several kilometers riding an old-lousy bus going to her school and protest her face to face! Nevertheless, I was not that idiot to do that. Of course, I already regained my pride that I once ignored for the sake of my 'to-the-max attraction' for her. To calm myself down, I just thought that perhaps she either didn't like to entertain love letters or she was too shy to acknowledge that she felt the same for me (don't react...that's what we call confidence..hahaha).
In spite of everything, I am a better person and I will forever be indebted to her for teaching me how it is to feel being in love. Never mind that her teaching was done mostly in absentia. I madly, deeply and truly loved her! I hope not to dishonor that love by engaging in cheap flings with whoever catches my fancy at the moment (yeah you're right! I have to consider my present status quo). Consequently, I have learned that love bears all- probably not always with a smile that's big enough for all the world to see, but just one that's brave enough to tell her that is it OK, you'll live so she doesn't have to feel bad. Lastly, I have also learned to swallow my loneliness like a bitter pill, hoping that my good behavior will make fate smile at me and saying, "Here is the one for you. Live happily ever after, your name was written on her heart."
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