POSITIVITY ALWAYS PAYS OFF

(This article was published last October in the 3rd issue of The La Rivista Marianum in my column Newfound freedom)

In this column I would like to discuss and reflect on a subject matter of my expertise- neutrality. By the way, it was just three years ago that I started to develop this attitude in me and guess what, I am becoming well-versed of it. As a matter of fact, I have earned positive results and it turns out to be my secret to stress-free living and attaining a life with less anxiety and distress.

I recall my worry-filled high school years. It seemed each day was a struggle. I used to attend my classes bearing within me so much worries and expectations. There I was, wanting to prove my superiority to my classmates and schoolmates. Hence, I was very competitive to the point of becoming attached to popularity and honor. My belief before was student life is somewhat a survival of the fittest. The more you get good grades and remarks, the more is the possibility to survive at school. How ignorant I was! Probably, I was influenced by the belief of the achievement-oriented society that worth depends upon success. I participated in various inter-public schools’ competitions (even those that I was not really qualified) just to prove to the people that I was smart, diligent and responsible student. I endured sleepless nights just to study in advance because I wanted to get good impressions from my teachers. I experienced winning in the contests and I got also failures and shortcomings. Even if at the end I succeeded in my academic pursuit but sad to say, I was not able to enjoy most of my high school days. It’s hard to admit that much of my memories are personal struggles, frustrations, shattered dreams and fiascoes. I used to live with the expectations of the people. I did not claim my own existence because I wrongly thought it was the best thing to do.

Every time I think of my former classmates, I become envious to them for I knew they were happy and unlike me, they had wild, interesting, fun-filled and worth-remembering experiences. I missed those adventures like cutting classes, gimmicks, discos, partying, etc. which most of my high school classmates did. Anyway, I could not bring back yesterdays even if I wanted to. What is already done can never be undone. Well, let me charge it to experience. The good thing, nonetheless, that my past experiences have caused me is a great realization that has changed my life. It has awakened my eyes to the fact that there is more to life than living up with people’s judgments and recognition. I realized that I actually need to move on and start life afresh. I should leave the past behind and focus on my present life. I believe that I always have the chance to leap on greater heights since opportunities are everywhere and I just have to respond on them with honesty, faith and determination. Truly, life should be learned backward but lived forward for nothing good will happen to you if you keep on clinging to your past. To be fixated on your past life is somehow a desolation.

So much of my sentiments for I don’t want to be emotional here. Otherwise, I will lose my concentration. Now let me continue my sharing. If there’s one thing about my personal growth and character development that I would like to accentuate, it is my flexibility. Putting myself in neutral is what I mean being flexible. In doing so, I have been able to emancipate myself from the notions of success and failures, completely independent from people’s expectations and artificialities. In the same way, I have been able to liberate myself from the bondage of ‘unfree’ existence. As a consequence, my existence is becoming genuine and free. I do what I can. Since, improvement is always possible, I know that what I do is never as much as it could be, yet I also know that it is always good enough. Being neutral is different from being mediocre. If you know me personally, you will perceive that I am not a kind of person who settles for less. Putting myself in neutral is completely compatible with expecting the positive- that is, success. Ever since, I have conditioned and trained my mind to be positive and to expect only the positive. To expect something means to believe that it will happen. Faith, as the strongest power we have at our disposal, plays an essential role in keeping an optimistic view of the future. Through my expectation, through my belief in success, I contribute still more to that success. If in spite of this I do not succeed, however, then by putting myself in neutral I can avoid simultaneously inducing myself feelings of disappointment.

Every start of the year, I used to set a workable goal for myself. I regard this goal as something that provides me a sense of direction. It often reminds me along the journey to work hard in giving my best in order to realize that specific goal. Nevertheless, I do not misuse the achievement or non-achievement of the goal in order to influence my feelings about my own worth. Besides, another advantage I have gotten by putting myself in neutral is that I have been able to know myself better and recognize my limitations. It is good when we can do favors for other people, but when we know that we just can’t manage it, it is better to muster up the courage to say no. The danger (and is really disadvantageous on one’s part) if you will always say yes is that people will no longer regard it as a favor. I had been there and believe me, it was close to miserable.Before I tried to please most of the people around me, pathetically ignorant of the truth that I can’t please everybody. I was insecure and constantly relying on affirmation by others. That’s why it was difficult for me to say no. But today, I am definitely different from the previous ‘me.’ I have now a sense of ‘ME’ which is no longer dependent on people’s approval. Gone are the days of stupidity and pretentiousness. It’s time to be true and natural.

On the other hand, I always remind myself to be humble for “humility truly exalts man to the heaven of glory and power, while pride abases him to the depths of wretchedness and degradation.” That’s a very good lesson I have learned from the Bible which frequently inspires me to keep my feet on the ground and be open to the will of God. To console myself every time I am down, I just repeatedly pronounce this powerful catchphrase “never give up” like a mantra and eventually I am relieved. Whatever situation we find ourselves in, it almost never pays to give up or run away. Finally, we can never be sure what the future will bring, even when the present seems bleak. It may bring something we could not possibly have foreseen. Think POSITIVE always and spread that positivity in you to create more positive things! Indeed, the main thing is to do what we can, even if we sometimes make mistakes. Continuously prepare yourself for the worst with a head up for God never leaves us!

 PADAYUN…